Sunday, January 23, 2011
Regrets? I’ve had a few. And after some time, I find myself retrospectively scratching my head, wondering how I could have been so blind! Ever ask your friends, "Now that we broke up, what did you really think about him?" Sure, you have. Upon which you learned that everyone unanimously felt he was a jerk since Day 1. What are friends for, if not to lie to you by lending unconditional support?
So if the rest of the world can see that someone is toxic, why do we stay? How do we end up with people who turn others off, but turn us on? I think it’s those damn human feelings getting in the way again. If you were to be an impartial third-party judge of your own life, you might act differently. But it’s a lot harder to leave your own neglectful boyfriend than it is to tell your girl-friend to dump hers. It’s far more interesting when you find yourself wholly invested in someone who defies any of these "bad" descriptions. In fact, you’re pretty sure you’re dating a good person. He was generous when courting you, he was respectful when he met your parents, and he gets along really well with your common friends. You couldn’t have seen his downside when you first got together. But since you have been getting along so close, you’ve discovered he has a really short temper. Plus, he hasn’t been too aggressive in winning you back when there are sort of fights.
Yes, we’re humans. We make mistakes. And if you’re going out with the same narcissistic guy or the same alcoholic guy or the same emotionally unavailable guy over and over and over again, THAT’s where you need to beat up on yourself. The one thing you can trust is that you’ve been down this path before and you know how it ends.
It may make perfect sense to be gun-shy following a string of mistakes, but the present is not the past, and you are not the same as you were during your last relationship. Because relationships are inherently exploratory, judgment is best rendered later, when you have more facts. And if, after all of this, you still can’t trust your judgment, try to trust your gut – the part that says that you’re not excited by him, the part that says that something’s a little off.
Just don’t expect your friends to tell you the truth until it’s over.
Posted in: girl thing,heart speaks,personal perspectives
9 comments:
*munching chocos*
*murmuring*
what is ning li trying to tell?
hmmmm..guess she's talking about some useless creatures..heheee..
i wanna answer that part "if the ret can tee that sum1 it tochic, why do we tay?" hmmmm...maybe because you were trying to convince yourself that you were taking the right vitamins? or maybe got carried away with some sugars on candies with harmful contents? You see, when i was just a fetus, my mom told me that "it's not wrong to eat many chocos as long as they're not hurting your teeth", so i munch different kinds of chocos, some with nuts, others plain..i was too busy munching every piece of it and soon got a toothache..oh! make it teethache!..'TIL then i realize not all that may taste sweet is good fow me..and like what the oldies say "Don't expect it to be always yummy..'coz EVEN THE SWEETEST CHOCO EXPIRES" -how can they tell me these things! i can't even read the exp.date!
man! grown-ups! tsk.tsk.
*munching chocos*
It was a crazy thought that a little doze of poison (everyday) won't kill me. Apparently it did pollute my life, but I've only come to realize that after damage has been done. Too bad, I should have trusted enough my instincts! ;') ***wink***
*tapping ning li*
it owkey..
yeah inctints! just like the title of my blog? beanie inctints?
tow, wat the moyal yeson on the toyey? *thinking*
"get yow diapies handy" tow you can tyow dem poyution befow they poyute you..
btw, ave you teen my teeth?? *crawling, searching*
Hello and thanks for the article, really liked it. And sorry that you had to discover and uncover the secret of all friendships. That's what friends are for.
Hello there sis :) Let us just put it this way...Done that,been there.Beany is right convincing and pretending that it is ok but all things have it's limits Dai Ning.
All things and all persons have to set their boundaries and open our eyes and hearts to accept and see the real truth.
The truth really hurts but accepting it and letting go of the past is needed for we to move on :)
@Bean: Regardless of my comment always on top of Sie's list, you're number one here! ;') Hehehe! I so like your phrase, "Even the sweetest choco has expiry date!" Only true love doesn't expire. ♥
@Geof: Yes, I love my friends and they can see in a wider perspective when I feel like blinded by so many sugar-coated circumstance along the way. Thank you for visiting my pages!
@Sie: Yes truth hurts but acceptance is the only way to set us free from the pains of the unreal. Take care of your heart, I mean the literal heart ;')
I'm quite speechless. We stumble upon many things in life. Everything is a lesson in its own right. There are times when we expect bright sunny day but all in a sudden heavy clouds hang low and bring a downpour which tarnishes the day we're always looking forward to.
Whatever it is, may the best be with you always! :)
So if the rest of the world can see that someone is toxic, why do we stay? That's funny, although a serious question.
Becuase somehow we have settled for that toxic person and it's much easier to settle than to get out there and go on the hunt for the person who is really right for you.
@Balqis: Thanks for the well wishes! I know thee are a lot more that life has to offer me, and so I keep moving form edge to edge believing that every circumstance work for my own good in the end.
@633: Yes it is so hard to leave a comfort zone wherewith life has been spent at all its cost. Nevertheless moving away from it means courage and learning to love more yourself before you can offer love to someone else again. ;')
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