Is It Just "Okay" To Date An Unbeliever?

Last night after doing our bedtime devotion, Stuart held my hand (as he always does) to pray with me. We just had a serious discussion about something we’ve been praying for way before we got married. As I listen to my husband’s humble prayer, my eyes suddenly welled up with tears. Tender moments like this remind me that he, who holds my hand, is not just any ordinary man but also someone whom Christ had died for. I am certain that things would have been a lot different – or not even at par to the blessings and joy we are now both sharing in our marriage, if I believed on the lies of my then-deceived heart that it is just okay to date an unbeliever. 

I was once on the same page with many single Christians of today. Days when I was challenging myself that I can make it work. After all, I then told myself, he’s willing to attend church services and youth activities, and he doesn’t argue with my faith. So then I asked, What’s really the big deal? My sisters-in-Christ (or brothers) please hear me out! Whether the person is cute or treats you well or shows the kindest gestures to your parents –– it still doesn’t change the fact that he is not a Christian. The big deal is your heart and the future.

God loves you. He protects the people He loves. We’ve read many times about the people of Israel being strictly told not to intermarry with “people of the land.” This wasn’t a racist commandment. In the Old Testament, the people of the land worshipped pagan gods. God’s warning not to intermarry with the Canaanites was meant as protection. This is parallel to the same command mentioned by Apostle Paul in 2 Corinthians 6:14, the ever-famous “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?” 

God is commanding us not to marry unbelievers not because He is unfair. He warns us of a future peril because He is full of wisdom. He knows the end from the beginning, and unequal yoking and disobedience almost always ends in great pain. Maybe we can drop some names? Solomon and his story on 1 Kings 11:4, Samson as he took a wife from the uncircumcised Philistines on Judges 14:2-3, and the Israelites themselves as they lived among the Canaanites, Hittites, and Amorites, and Perizzites, and Hivites, and Jebusites leading the nation to serve their pagan gods on Judges 3:6. 

The examples of these people from the Old Testament should motivate us to listen to God’s wisdom. When two people do not both submit their hearts to Christ, they cannot share the same definition of love, sacrifice and commitment. The one who does not submit to Christ can never understand what unconditional love looks like. Not only will he be unable to share in your eternal inheritance, but he will also be unable to share in the joys of a unified marriage that glorifies God. When believers try to make unequal yoking work, they’re not just cheating themselves—they’re cheating the person they are with. That person is being told it’s okay to live without Christ; that they can be in a relationship with a Christian without having to follow the Lord. 

When I got married, 2 Corinthians 6:14 revealed to me in a more personal way that the believing partner is not the only one at stake on unequally yoked relationships. While a Christian person can have a good influence on an unbeliever, they should not be the “bait” to persuade someone to Christ. Think longer term. If you marry an unbeliever, your children will very likely be born into a home in which one parent does not follow God. When two parents do not share spiritual priorities, it is not only the marriage that suffers; it hurts their children as well. 

So, yes, it matters greatly if you date an unbeliever. Protect yourself and the testimony you carry for the Lord. Honor God and lead your unbelieving friends to Christ by refraining from a (dating) relationship with them. I have had my fair share of horrendous mistakes in the past and all I can do now is to share the lessons I learned from all the tears and unnecessary pain that I could have possibly avoided if only I trusted God enough. And believe me –– God’s plan for His children is nothing short of lasting joy and pure love. Remember what Romans 8:32 says? “He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?” As you wait for God’s will in your life, don’t get tired of setting the bar high knowing that God Himself never settled to give His children anything less than BEST.

Posted in: answered prayer,love is all there is,unveiled wife