Morning Vitamins

A week of putting aside distance and any time difference is nothing less of another wonderful gift from God. One day she will fondly recall how her heart pounded the first time he will have stepped off that plane from 4,400 kilometers away at the prospect of wrapping him in a bear hug. It will be the beginning of the many here and now.

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loved and lost

You have walls because you've been hurt before. They were made by self realization of your worth. Someday, somehow, someway - someone will go out the way to break those walls and understand why you built them so high. To understand every piece of your story that has formed who you are. 

You loved and lost. But loved doesn't mean love is over, and lost doesn't mean it can't be found. Even those most broken hearts still beat.

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distantly close you and I

There are moments when I struggle not to write about this and pretend to be emotionally sedated for a while. But when you belong to the minority with so vague a chance to grow and survive, faith suddenly blossom and blessings come in big surprise.

So the only thing that matters for the distantly close you and I, is the wisdom in trusting our God.

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instinct alert

No, I wasn’t playing judgmental. And yes, I was serious when I said that.

It was only when I saw how puzzled my friend’s face had turned while having the conversation above that I realized how crazy women (or I) think sometimes. Or could it be that we just possess that special instinct that men don’t have?

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Impossible: Forgiving Without Forgetting?

How many times have you been into the junction of forgiving and forgetting?

Personally it’s like… countless – as I gauge myself all these years, though, it seemed that forgiving is impossible without forgetting. Well, allow me to limit the idea to myself for this instance. Being wronged by someone I entrusted so much of what I thought was close-to-sisterhood friendship was epically hurting. It was only when I was given the clear picture of the person whom “I only seemed to be for her” that I realized how complacent I became in believing to the unreal. It was painful. I was in denial for sometime too.

When after a while she realized her mistake and offering to make up, I find it so hard to let go of the pain – all because everything still seemed fresh. When I felt to be so done with the person, it’s just seriously hard to go back to how it all was before. Maybe until the stain has completely faded away and until that belief to this so-called friendship is reshaped to its truest sense… maybe after forgetting all this crap, I will be able to cast forgiveness with all my heart. 

Maybe.

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Seoul Chronicles: My Kind of Joyride

Amidst the aviation crisis which started at the first quarter of this year, I gracefully managed to face my fears, crossed miles after miles and fulfilled our dream trip to Seoul. Just to give you a glimpse, the below demonstrates the aerial itinerary – my kind of  joyride some 35,000 feet high.

Singapore to Manila makes 1,400 miles while Manila to Seoul makes 1,600 miles.
Do note, by the way, the north and south coast distance!  

Long before the trip itself, I have had tons of apprehensions about the frequency of my travel considering that that trip alone would require me to fly several times: 

• SG-PH-SG, April – Get our VISA fixed in Manila and back overseas until our travel date
• SG-PH-KR, May – Picked up the girls and voila! The adventures of four sisters began.
• KR-PH, May – Return home after a week in Seoul
• PH-SG, June – I flew right after going to church and head straight to the office that day

See the maze? I may not have suffered from a jet lag but I just can’t give the one best word for the intensity of tiredness this has caused me; not to mention the financial element that we had to burn to turn this plan into reality. No, I mean no regret. Everything was worth the cost!

More details to follow. 

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the end of life apart

"They were now both ready, not to begin from scratch, but to continue with a love that had survived for remarkable ages in hibernation. They were no longer travelers without baggage. They were no longer twenty. They'd both been around the block a bit and had suffered without the other. They'd both lost their way without the other. Each had tried to find love with other people. But all that was now finished."

                   ― Guillaume Musso, Que serais-je sans toi?

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time of infinite fun

Summer is the time of infinite fun. The day seems to last forever, and the fun never stops. It is a time of romance, excitement and enhanced enjoyment of life. Somehow summer never seems to last long enough. It is always over before we get a chance to fully experience its power. 

This is true of all things wonderful. They always seem too short.

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our moon

No matter where it is in the sky and no matter wherever you are in this world, the moon is never bigger than your thumb. This will will make us think of each other. Even though we're half a world away, we could still look at the same moon together.

― Nicholas Sparks

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memory gap goes with ageing

Memory gap goes with ageing and it’s funny how things prove this to be so true!

I came back to Manila blind. There was no mark indicating where on earth I put my eyeglasses again! I still remember using it before we spend some few hours on island hopping in the south. I browsed on pictures after pictures but most of which showed myself with my shades on. There goes another dilemma…

I left my shades inside the water cave. There was this narrow and unlighted path in that cave in one of the islets. The trail was long, by the way, around an hour before we were able to see the sunrays at the other end. Inside were crystal rocks, happy bats and cold drops of water. Due to the rock formation, there were areas that required us to literally crawl to get inside each section. And in that such instance I suspected my shades to have slipped off my shirt. I secured it in front of me before we entered the cave so in no way I could lose it by merely walking. A friend offered to go back in to find my shades but for practical purposes, I opted to just leave it there. We’ve got limited time to go out and to return just for it will eat as much time as we will spend with another spot around the cove.

I lost my sun visor. I wanted to cry right when I knew that it’s also missing not only because it decorates me – we’re off everywhere under the sun so it really helped a lot wearing it to prevent me from migraine attacks. On board, I actually preferred using it when rallying at the upper deck with the engineers rather than putting the hard hat on – it’s just too heavy for my head!

It’s heartbreaking to ponder on how these three valuables vanished all in one trip! At night, I was asking myself if I became too clumsy or this ageing process is already eating me. I hope not! It’s way too early for that, isn’t it? If this is part of the process, there is actually more of it that I will be facing in the coming days. Scary!!!

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when you grow old

Have you ever thought about who’s gonna take care of you when you grow old?

In many case, and even in one of my occasional and (somewhat) selfish points of view, people do find this as a valuable reason for having children. I think about this more often when I see old women on footbridges and underpass alone and begging for alms, but I don’t have a good solution for that now. I almost had a husband and missed that chance again to have my own baby before I leave my 20’s. My family—sisters and cousins—shall sooner or later have a life of their own and maybe live in another continent. I have a bestfriend and some circle of female buddies who are also childless and single and some of us have talked about taking care of one another as we age. But I wonder what will actually happen to me.

I’ve read news recently about a famous writer-producer who passed away at 87 years old, surrounded by close friends. My newest lovely companion, being cynical, pointed out that that person was wealthy and famous, and therefore drew plenty of close friends hoping for their share of her inheritance. Trying to out-cynic him, I pointed out that that’s usually what happens but with distant relatives coming out of the woodwork for their share of the financial pie. But the point is, that is how I want to go—surrounded by people who choose to be with me.

So, plan A for my future is to be nice, take care of my friends and hope that they will take care of me until my very last breath in this world. Plan B is to become rich with my writings, get famous and buy my friends! Hahaha!!! Either way, I seriously hope to not grow old... alone.

Do you have a plan all laid out up until your old age? Tell me I’m not alone in this dilemma.

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strangers for only a minute

Knowing barely a couple of travelers in the group, it bothered me at the start. I didn’t want to leave any unpleasant impression if I speak too much or too less at first meeting – it made it me a bit uncomfortable, honestly. But hey, just as when coffee is mixed with creamer, the days following with them along became a pleasurable experience. 

Photo taken from here

 Tito Jimmy & Tita Eve inspired me. As I looked at them from afar, while both valiantly faced the deep and took photos of every inspiring corner in this serene place, I closed my eyes and hoped. Two pairs of itchy feet can make perfect adventure. I dreamed (somehow) to grow old celebrating life outdoors with someone who loves what I love, someone who can inspire me to do the impossible.

I have not met a man who uses different nail cutter for finger and toenails; not until this day. Sir Jo is a carefree adventurer. His entire package tells people that he wants to travel around and stay close to nature. In spending a few days with him, I craved to learn surfing and drooled over the peaks that I haven’t reached yet; I dreamed to see myself fearlessly dancing with the fishes and face unfeminine challenges without much complain (like riding a step-through motorcycle). I want to become as lighthearted as adventurers like him do. I want to become skilled at not bringing work while on vacation.

I thought I was wacky enough. When I met Kit (that’s how they call her despite her name being spelled as Keith), that belief was broken. She’s a hundred fold funnier! Tell her a one-line sentence and she’ll spice it up with a childlike laughter. Not all jokes are funny but she can turn the table and make the conversation a whole lot comical. It’s so nice to be happy but it’s nicer to have met Kit!

Five days – short but so worth looking back on with fondness. I met new faces; strangers for a minute turned family in no time. I miss you guys!

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special non-romantic relationship

We are a family of four girls. I grew up thankful of the birthright I gained over my sisters but as years go by, after meeting people after people, I felt the need of having a brother — someone who can bravely face ugly hoodlums to protect me; someone who can give pieces of advice when I am brokenhearted; someone who can lend me a shoulder when I’m down; someone whom I can cry on when the going gets tough. I don’t have one and lost the chance to call anyone my own brother. And that can actually explain why I value most my friendship with my male buddies.

Sadly (or surprisingly rather), many look at this platonic closeness as something beyond the “it’s just it.” While others see it as a potential “thing” between me and a male friend, I deem things falling under a special non-romantic relationship. Maybe we can go out individually dating other persons and catch up another time with each other, telling our own story of life without getting jealous at all. He must be a whole lot admirable and I must be equally girlfriend-material but it doesn't simply lead there – yes no more than friends, honest. I admit hurting whenever he confides to me his own heartaches but I never dreamed of replacing that person in his heart. I stood by him because that’s the right thing to do for a friend who needs me to be with him. I love the very way we care for each other but never in any passionate sense. I care, a friendly care. And I know it goes the same way for him.

Ours proves the existence of a special relationship even without romance. We respect. We care. We value each other… all because we both want to build this friendship and make it last longer than many broken relationships around us.

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the line is just [too] busy

I lost too much time because of too much accounting chores on year-end and January closing that it took ages for me to visit my blog again. But more importantly, I’m here so alive and kicking! 

So aside from work, mind asking what else made me busy over the couple of weeks after my last writing here? 

Well, I was busy... 

Cheering for my team. Perhaps my tonsil can testify how fairly I overuse it for applauding Green Team’s volleyball and basketball players. As of writing, we are not declared winners yet. Although in volleyball, we ranked third already. The boys mounted the game from rags to riches, as claimed by many. We lost the first few games and even had that spirit of just playing the game and not aiming to win anymore, but the ball is just so round we found our way up! Now the basketball team can claim a sure second place if Blue Team will conquer our warriors. Let me repeat that again: “only IF they conquer us!” Let’s then wait and see. 

Thinking about the cake I won. Yes, I was able to win the “most Facebook LIKES challenge” that my patissier friend opened a few weeks before December ended. The price was amazing – a walnut banana cake inspired by stained glass school of fishes. I chose to claim it in February in celebration of my Dad’s 55th birthday. 

Planning to buy a car. I’ll be 31 this year and I honestly put [driving my own car] on my project list. It’s costly yes, but not too impossible. My dad and I already have things in mind on how to get this dream fulfilled in no time, in God’s time. 

Anticipating for my broken desire to work abroad. Many times I’ve claimed of not having a heart to work overseas. Nevertheless, just as weather changes, my perspective in life, do the same. I was preparing my wings to spread broader and fly a little higher this time. But it just didn’t materialize. Maybe it’s untimely, maybe I’m not really ready for that (yet) or maybe it’s not what God wants me to do. 

Living at my bachelorette pad. My roommate friend hasn’t arrived yet from her overseas assignment and it all means having to spend time longer alone here. The place is just literally a few tiny “steps” from our office and to live my weekdays like this is incredibly good. For over a decade of travelling for more than an hour or two, it’s pretty much relieving to have a home right next to your workplace. Well, I do miss my family at times but considering I’m not really that far away from them and I live way better this time, I feel compensated and even to stay here.

Preparing for my next trip before end of February. It’s supposed to be a climb to Mt. Apo but I chose to join the island hopping team, fearing of health complications if I force myself to do the climbing. I’m not prepared to walk a thousand kilometers but I am fully ready to wear my swimsuit and explore the world under the sea. I’m dead excited! 

There is so much to write but I can find no enough time to tell you every single detail I have in mind. Maybe after the unfinished stories above get done, it will be an opportunity to write again. See you then!

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on being into this Channing Tatum thing

I must admit that I am crazily addicted to Channing Tatum nowadays. 

After watching the film The Vow where I first encountered how charming and hot (oh yes he really, really is!) this actor is, I searched for other movies featuring him. There are quite a lot of them and each highlighted his entire package – as an actor, comedian and dancer, stripper yes. Believe me, he is a dance guru and the first time I saw him move on stage in Step Up, my jaw dropped! He maybe is the man next to Mr. McDreamy, Derek Shepherd of Grey’s Anatomy whom every girl is dreaming about. I like his sheepish smile, his posture, his way of looking at his leading ladies, his deep mighty voice, his humor, his hot body… just all of him seemed to be perfect! At another instance while watching Dear John, I was contemplating to be with a man whom I can feel so secure – that time spent together with the person is the safest and most awesome one. I was envious of those ladies hanging around him in the set, waiting for their next cuddling and hot kissing scene. I felt like wanting to be just plain human being needing stuff like that, biologically, you know. 

And boom! I woke up from this hallucination, completely am convinced that this is way far from getting real. I don’t have him and as a matter of fact, I don’t have anyone just yet. All I have today is this aching dream about someone who can make me not think about Channing anymore, at all, when I am with him. We all are pushed to dream big, aim high. On the contrary we have to learn too that truth hurts. It hurts to realize that there can be no him at all to come in my life. I don’t know. Maybe or maybe not.

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did you ever have unnecessary guilt?

Sometimes there just come circumstances that give you unnecessary guilt. Although you are self-assured to have not done anything wrong, still there occurs an inward minute piercing impression in your heart. It’s when your day turns to gray and you feel like wanting to rest at the middle of nowhere. You want to cry. You want arms to embrace your shaking body. You want to fade away.

Why are there people who play rude but still are granted with stars? Why are there questions like this without satisfying answers? Why do humans acquire all-in-one guilt even for not doing anything wrong at all? Did you ever feel this way?

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the man for you

I chanced upon a friend's post in Facebook and got inspired so I am sharing this here:

We need to teach our women of today the difference between 

A man who flatters her and a man who compliments her 

A man who spends money on her and a man who invests in her 

A man who views her as a property and a man who views her properly 

A man who lusts after her and a man who loves her 

A man who believes he is God’s gift to women 

and a man who remembers a woman was God’s gift to a man 

And then teach our men of today to be that kind of man.

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thanks to you readers!

To date, I have 1563 articles of which 729 were published since day one of my addiction and 147 were posted solely in 2012. 

To every eye who silently supported my passion to write, to all who shared with me their stories, to them who inspired me from places to places, to those who challenged me and set an inarticulated need to defend my integrity, to everyone who came into my unrivalled solace and willfully became part of it, BIG BIG THANKS. 

Xin Nian Kuaile 新年快乐 

Happy and a God-glorifying 2013 ahead of us! 

:) — Dai Ning Li

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bachelorette pad

Moving in to this so-called bachelorette pad, perhaps, is the most crucial decision I have ever made this year… and in my entire life. I was born independent, yes, but I wasn’t really given the opportunity to live away from home. So it feels different, very different that packing my things up seemed to be such a burdensome task! For the nth time I need to undress my being undomesticated and take the responsibility to make an unfamiliar place my new home. 

After that craze to look for the most economical and accessible place to stay comes this self-satisfying drive to fill the room with stuffs that wil make it more relaxing and appealing (because I have to prepare for my friend’s coming in 2013). I bought a queen-size bed which looked perfectly enough for two slim ladies. We didn’t choose a double decker bed simply because no one wants to sleep on the upper loft! I have fear of heights too so we ended up buying a wider one. The next thing I got was an industrial stand fan, although I haven’t claimed the unit yet for some (illogical and lame) reason of Anson! Anyway, they have to give me that not later than this week. My first overnight stay in my room was moved just because of that fan; I can’t sleep there and wake up the next morning patched with mosquito bites! 

As of this moment, I am thinking of getting: 

• Coffee table instead of dining set – it’s way less expensive and will not eat so much space in the room 
• Dresser – ladies do need this to comfortably decorate ourselves before heading to work 
• Laptop – I have often planned to get one but since there’s no instance that really required me of it, I deferred buying it, and now I badly need one 
• Couch – well, this is optional; only that this will make the room look lovelier 
• Long curtains – I scouted from department store and saw a few designs that fit my taste 
• Comforter – this I have to get this week as sale season is extensive and I have to grab that chance to wisely spend my money, for comfort! 
• Toiletries – of course these are unnegotiable and a big MUST. 

There are a lot more in my mind that I want to buy and it excites me day after day to make this room the most beautiful place for a year (or so, because we have a 12-month lease contract with the owner). Soon I will post pictures of how my new nest looks. For now, I wish nothing but to receive our bonus so all of the above must-buys won’t turn into a shattered dream! :)

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bowling makes me happy

Days unfold so fast. It’s been a year after we last joined the corporate bowling tournament at MOA. I could hardly remember my score that time but I am sure it’s not too far from what I got in the recent bowling game we held at Robinsons Place Manila. 

I do bowl and love the game so much. 

With some of my games giving out no less than 120 points, I disappointed many during the last tournament – I got a very bad score! Perhaps it matters really when you’re being surrounded by a big crowd and when you know that people expect you to be excellent. That mere thought brings butterflies in your stomach and pulls the littlest confidence you have for yourself. Nevertheless, it’s a game and you can’t call it one when the joy of doing it is inexistent anymore so I shifted my mindset instantly. Instead of frowning over my weeping scores on the board, I pasted a smile on my face each time I knock the pins down. I raised high five to team members who also do excellent tries that night while munching a stick of hotdog in one corner. My team didn’t win and even worse, we ranked last! I will say it again, it’s just a game and we have all the time to practice and make the succeeding tries perfect.

A week after, I found myself at the bowling alley again
with some friends in the church.

I’m no sporty type but with this game, I could spend hours at the mall in pursuit of mastering the perfect strike. I love bowling a lot, so much that I even thought of buying my own bowling ball like those professional players I meet on special tournaments. Well, it’s not yet late for me and it’s a cool idea. Why not? :)

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